She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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