did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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