Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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