i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The air was thick with penises
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
