Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
