I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
