all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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