Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
