I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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