Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
