Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
