There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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