I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
bring money and cleavage
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
