I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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