There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
