Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
