Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
