Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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