How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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