Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
