i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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