Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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