I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
