i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
