On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
