it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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