2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
