I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
