I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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