More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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