I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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