We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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