We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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