I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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