She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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