So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
