dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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