I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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