its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
