We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
