that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
