Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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