I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
