He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
