I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please don't give away my fajitas
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
