how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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