I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
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Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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