Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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