she was so not down for the gang bang
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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