does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
