Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
