I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
