I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
