i was born a porn star she said
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
