just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
