He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I will be naked everywhere
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
