hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
