If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I deserve this hangover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
