so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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