return my video game
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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