i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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