after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
