Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
