Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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