The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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