He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
