Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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