I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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