I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
