My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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