god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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