i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
