i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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