LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
