My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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