Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
